This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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