These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
