I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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