you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
