what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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