i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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