I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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