Where are you?
In a non slutty way
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
