Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
