How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
