I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My sheets look like a crime scene.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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