You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
