This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
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