I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
