It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
