2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So much rum. So many feels.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize