My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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