I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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