i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
