i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize