i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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