need another drink. this is the easiest way
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
