can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
