I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
