nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
