Someone shit on the floor
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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