Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
