Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
