I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
