Got a toothbrush?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
