ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
