so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
