I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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