i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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