I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
