just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
