If that was your dad, he is hot
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
