Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
