I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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