So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
