I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
