Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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