is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
