so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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