Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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