There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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