I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
