did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
