i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
