I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize