I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
