Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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