I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize