if i died would you start the facebook group?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
