you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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