Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
