I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
