Someone shit on the floor
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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