Will you blow on my dice?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
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