Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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