so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
it glows. i had to have it.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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