you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
