If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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