we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
