Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
