Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
