i think i have two assholes
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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