so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
