Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
