Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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