but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
