i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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