I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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