I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
