so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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