Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
