Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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