youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
