so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Houston, we have a blender
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
