dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
