You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize