Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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