i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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