I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
