I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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