I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just found puke in my bra..
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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