I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Randomize
