We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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