It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
