I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
