I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I love having hate sex.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize