I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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