connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
