she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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