bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
