it hurts more in the daytime
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
