My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
