I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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