I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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