i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
