At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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