my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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