I wannas sexs uuuuu
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
This show inspires me to have sex in space
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
