Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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