Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
