ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
