he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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